..::Valbaby's Hidden Secrets::..

Changed

2008-07-16T01:47:00.000+08:00

People!

Blog has been switched to

http://valchannel.wordpress.com

Call

2008-07-06T06:54:00.003+08:00

It's clocked 0645am. I am stucked in the theatre after an ORIF of fibula and external fixation of tibia completed.

It was an ORTHO-ful call. A bad call.

Digged up to scrub for that mentioned ortho case at the hours of 0230am. Oh gosh. It could drive you insane to be waken up after just a 3 hours of sleep. Still, I have to do it.

However, there's something great! The Botak Jones!!

HRM Timothy and Soumen bought us western food from Botak Jones~ Yummy yummy.....it's nice that surgeons recognize our hardships with them, and treat us at least something end of the day. Be it just a cup of soya milk, it warms our hearts.

While theatre is like a winter, our hearts are sunny side up.

Working with a good team, with nice anaesthetists, good surgeons and great buddy nurses.

What more can I ask?

Hmmm..maybe .....can I ask for a nap??

Lol...

This is my place of interests, therefore no matter how tired I'm, I'm happy.... =)

2008-07-01T21:44:00.005+08:00

Random post!!

Can't think of anything better to blog....therefore, pictures tell.

2008-06-26T21:22:00.002+08:00

该死的！该死的！

怎么又又又想起了！

*生气*

放工后赶到机场去送行，从今以后新加坡又少了一位好男人，国大医院手术房又少了一名好护士。

在回家的路途上，我经过了Tanah Merah；又是一个拥有我的回忆的地方。

曾经我为了他，搬到了离学校有一小时半路程，离医院有超过一小时路程的Tanah Merah。

只为了他。

唉，当时的我好傻。

但，你也可以说我爱得太深。

*重新振作*

好！往事少提！

对不起，我要去冲凉咯！

What a weird incident

2008-06-25T22:29:00.005+08:00

TODAY IS OUR PAYDAY~!

Glad to see there's some figures in my bank account statement. Haha...

But somethin nearly destroyed my joyous...

I WAS SABOTAGED!

Well, as long as you're in medical line, you would know how important is counting instruments during the operation.

The aim is to prevent instruments from retaining inside patient body so that patient is able to have optimise result benefits from the operation.

So, counting instruments pre, intra and post operatively is crucial to both the scrub and circulating nurse.

After the massive counting for my final count, I made sure all SHARPS, SPONGES and INSTRUMENTS counts are correct before surgeons can close the cavities.

So I was clearing my instruments in the slouice room( dirty utility room in OT) and was shocked that I'd one towel clip lost!!

I alerted my circulating nurse as well as the surgeons. Everyone was searching thoroughly for the linen and rubbish bags. To no avail, nothing found.

IT IS WEIRD! No discrepancy in my counts when I did my final count!

After about 15 mins of searching, my colleague stepped in with a towel clip on her hand.

"I found this outside the central corridor, are you looking for something..?"

TA DAH~!

Apparently a towel clip was left on one of the trolley in central corridor and it caught her attention as we were searching for something inside the theatre.

Well, luckily it's found.

2008-06-24T10:49:00.004+08:00

Alright~!!!!!!!

See...my English input~!!!

That means I'm recovering well and adapting to the readjusment!

Haha...it all started from yesterday... I bought a PINK PSP slim~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Woohoo~

Initially wanted to get a chili red color, but well it looked like toy color..... so I gave it up.

From the picture provided, it looks damn nice and sleek. However if you ever take a real look and have a good touch, you'll find lots of thumb prints on top and it's exactly like a toy for kids......

Muahahahaha......let me start gaming!

2008-06-23T18:45:00.003+08:00

他偶尔会想念我吗?

会怀念起我们的一切吗?

当我走到他门前，我看到一双好熟悉的拖鞋。

那好像是我们一起买的拖鞋。

敲了近两分钟的门，他才出来。

他穿着一件Giordano的polo tee, 和一件白蓝短裤。

你知道吗?Giordano的衣服是我买给他的。

我还记得，我一口气买了两件给他，一件红色，一件青色的。

而裤子呢。。。是我们在香港女人街买的。

将近两年后的昨天，他还穿着。

我当下五味杂陈。

要不是知道他早已为人夫，我可能会无法控制的冲上前拥抱他。

那些甜甜的回忆，好美好美。

担，美梦总是不持久。

再见了

2008-06-22T22:43:00.002+08:00

终于，我把所有的东西都搬出他家了。

很冷静地，Ganesh陪我到以前我和他一起住的房子，而我也在一年半后的今天再和他重逢。

在那一瞬间，感觉很复杂；心情很矛盾；

但我不能流露出什么，只因为他已经是别人的老公了。

短短的十分钟，我知道他一点都没变。

唯一变得是房子的女主人和他的心。

是自己想太多吗？我可以从他的眼神中感觉到他心中也有激动。

当我们眼神相投时。

离开时，我好像有一种和他永别的心情。

我知道我从此不会再和他有什么交集，也完全走出他的世界。

于是，我在Ganesh的车里哭了，很失控的哭了。

原来，眼泪是咸的，心可以这么的痛。

好久没有这种痛彻心扉的感觉，我记得最后一次是和他分手的时候。

再见了，我最爱过的人。

一个我最爱却不该爱的人。

我知道，这辈子他永远会在我心中。

Double Standard

2008-06-21T15:48:00.006+08:00

Do you guys know what is DOUBLE standard?

I will elaborate more on this issue below.

Yesterday when I was circulating my senior who just came back from her advanced diploma course. So Sister came in just to check if she was alright for that major case especially when we were with a kind of hot-tempered surgeon.

Standard preparation for a laparoscopic colostomy creation is rather simple:

Main set: Laparascopy set, laparatomy set, major cleansing set, mayo tray and its cover
Loose instruments: XL COLORECTAL ROBERTS, instenstinal clamps
Consumable: Single irrigation set, sucker tubing, 10mm 30 degree telescope and light cable.

For this particular surgeon preference: NORMAL ROBERTS and 10mm 0 degree telescope (commonly in GS only 10mm 30 degree telescope). His preference is well known in our dicsipline.

When my scrub nurse passed surgeon a normal robert when he asked for it, sister looked at me and started to question scrub nurse:" Where is your colorectal roberts? why didn't you put it up to mayo tray?"

Scrub nurse answered:" Valerie didn't give me."

Sister turned to me and my turn to be questioned:" Why didn't you give her colorectal roberts?"

"Sister, he doesn't use colorectal roberts at all. Even if u passed to him, he will still use normal roberts."

"Can't we all standardise all the preparation?" Sister reprimanded.

She commented so much while the surgeon didn't make a single noice.

When the case over, I walked in to the prep room and discuss with sister. I told her it's a waste to give him colorectal roberts knowing that he won't be using them! I know that's the standard to prepare the case that's why i standby it in my tray. Just in case he really wants, i have it with me.

Her explanation wasn't that convincing though. She just kept on emphasizing that it's a standard, we just give, don't bother if surgeon use or don't use. Isn't it easier for everyone to remember if we standardise everything?

STANDARDISE STANDARDISE and STANDARDISE!!!!!

Fine! you said standardise. Good.

I keep this in mind.

*************************************************************************************

I was the scrub nurse for the listed last case and my senior gave me the irrigation and sucker tubing for my preparation. IT IS A STANDARD TO GIVE irrigation set and sucker tubing for ALL laparascopy surgery.

However, surgeon requested a special disposable instrument which prepacked with sucker tubing and irrigation set called Surgiwand. Then I passed out my sucker tubing and irrigation set and circulator put them underneath my trolley.

The same "standard" sister walked in to help out in circulation. When she looked at my trolley below, she found out there was an unused tubing and irrigation set. She questioned everyone who opened them to me.

"If everyone keeps on opening the wrong items, we can't charge patient on that. End up hospital will lose money and that's why MOT had negative revenue for the last financial year!!!!!"

That was what she told my circulators!

FUCK.

I was like har??? I though you said it's a STANDARD! JUST GIVE?????

I helped you to save resources, you said it's a standard, just give.

Someone thought it's a standard and give me for preparation, you said it's a waste!!!!!!

Damn. Whatever she does and says, it's perfectly reasonable and everyone else are WRONG WRONG WRONG.

So what if I open a 10mm 30 degree and a 10mm 0 degree telescope for the surgeon? You will say I don't know the preference and it's a waste to give both!

DON'T BULLSHIT OKAY!

You're the queen la, come in and circulate EVERY case can??

2008-06-21T15:48:00.000+08:00

原来，他已经结婚了。。。

害怕

2008-06-18T22:27:00.004+08:00

我的忠实blog友应该会发现，当我用华语来blog时，多半是我心情不好的时候。

心情不好的时候，总会想用自己最熟悉的语言来分担我的心情。

所以，我今天的心情还是没有像油价那样高涨。

Eileen说，我是因为看了太多《斗牛，要不要》，想太多。

可是，我已经没追了几天，心情却没有好转。

都过了一年半了。

姐姐今早打电话给我，说他找过她。

因为我换了电话号码没通知他，他找不着我。

别为我高兴，他找我不是好事。

只是要通知我，他快搬走了，六月尾就到期，让我在这个月底前把剩余的东西搬掉，还有将锁匙归还。

我愣了。

他，快结婚了吗？

为什么忽然搬走？

我害怕听到这样的消息。

他走了以后，我就连他住的地方都不晓得了。

这样，我们永远都不会再见面，也没有任何理由联络了。

很矛盾地，我不想回去搬我的东西。

它们会让我思绪混乱。

他，应该就快结婚了。。。。。

但我却还是一个人。

遗憾

2008-06-16T21:34:00.001+08:00

一辈子都忘不了的痛，叫遗憾。

2008-06-15T21:40:00.003+08:00

又想起了。

怎么又想起了不该想起的事。。。。

昨天，我去了一趟Suntec PC Show，一心想着要买Hard disk。

却不小心经过了Samsung booth。

Samsung....它有我那两年所有的回忆。

我，想起了他。

想起以前我努力的爱着他；
想起以前我一见到他，就会心一笑；
想起以前我不管多累，都在他公司等他下班；
想起以前无论我走到哪里，都想为他买些什么；
想起以前我是多么的害怕失去他；

想起最初我们的相遇；
想起当时他对我的甜蜜；
想起吵架时的我们；
想起分手时的情景。

事隔一年，他的脸庞还是熟悉的在我的脑海，
虽然我们在也没遇到过。

想哭，没有眼泪。
想逃，无路可退。

我知道我得继续没有他存在的生活。

但，我真的好想好想他。

我还是常在梦里遇见他。

他，过得好不好?

会不会偶尔想起我？

Pink Hard Disk

2008-06-14T22:54:00.006+08:00

Headed down to Suntec PC show just now with Yuyang.

I waited that guy since 1pm after my training. It was about 6pm when I finally met him at Suntec. Lucky I was watching "Bull Fighting" at home while waiting for him.....Haha...but well never mind. It worth my waiting.

Ta dah~

This is my new hard disk~!!!!

160 GB PINK HARD DISK

Comparison with my K810, do you realize how slim the hard disk is? That makes my K810 looks bulky......

Yes, I said it's slim! It's about 1cm slim only!!! Nothing suits me better as I need a compact yet stylish portable hard disk for my photos and videos.

Proud to say that this was a gift from Yuyang. My birthday gift la.......Don't catch the wrong idea ok.......

He said:" Good, I buy you this, then I would have no worry to think of what to buy for your birthday present."

Haha...well, that's out of my expectation that he's planning to get me one hard disk before we meet up. Unfortunately he got tied down by work and not able to reach here earlier than me. Hai...here go my surprise......

Anyway, I'm elated now~!!! With my nice hard disk and because it's a gift from him.....

WAHAHAHA

Liver Recipient

2008-05-31T21:36:00.002+08:00

Oh No~!

I didn't know that scrubbing can be very draining. It drains your every single brain cell, and it's killing.

Why do I have such comment while I'm so much in love with my job??

Back to two days ago which is on the 29/5, Ruby requested me to hold her liver bench work pager for two days. Without any hesitation, I helped her.

Even though knowing that I'm on standby, I travelled back to JB as loneliness is something I hate the most.

When the clock stroke 11pm, I lied myself on comfy bed and started to rest. Phone rang~!

It's from Ruby! Gosh, liver transplant team was activated then!

Quickly I called back to Sister Azizah. She informed me to standby any phone call later as she would ring me to confirm the timing again.

Sleep buds hit in, and I fell asleep no matter how worried I was.

2am in the morning, scary phone rang again. Sister wants me to reach NUH at 7am.

Oh well, I got to wake up at 4:45am, started my journey from JB custom at 5:15am and reached NUH at 6am!

8am would be the time for the patient to be on OT table. I circulated for Ledesa who was supposed to be the scrub nurse for recipient.

After which, I scrubbed in to prepare my bench work trolley.

Another sister stepped into our OR and things changed.

She instructed me to scrub for the recipient!!!!!!!

Oh my god~~~~~~~

I remember my brain gone blank and I turned speechless. The only thing I did was staring at sister. I guess my eye balls nearly popped out.

I then took over from Ledesa to continue my trolley set up even though I didn't have my mental prepared.

It's indescribable.

I have yet witnessed any complete liver transplant operation, without any transplant knowledge, have zero experience in liver donor, scrubbed for bench work once and only!

Well, I do feel glad that sister was willing to take the risk.

I mean for this kind of macro major operation, she's willing to train a novice in liver transplant for her first time. I'm less than a year old.

So, I scrubbed continuously for ten hours with merely 30mins toilet and lunch break.

Haha....at the end of the operation, I almost went coma.

We're so happy and blessed that the needle and swab counts are tally!!!!! I used up 121 sutures~

Needle lost is the least thing I want. I just want to have a correct sharps, sponges and instruments count. I'm willing to bear any reprimanding, any scolding or even yelling. I just wanted the count to be correct and nothing went wrong.

The mental stress of any discrepancy of counts is terrible. Furthermore, that was my first time handling such a tiny and massive usage of needles.

Haha...I'm so glad that I went through that peacefully. Although in between I got reprimanded by Prof for few times. Well...to me, that wasn't a big issue as I knew that, that was my first time. My virgin liver transplant recipient.

Ganesh Birthday

2008-05-20T23:10:00.005+08:00

Had fun on Saturday night.

I received a message from Matt on Saturday morning, saying that a birthday celebration was organized at WalaWala 10pm.

That changed my plan of going back Jb, so instead I went back on Sunday morning.

So this is the birthday "man", Mr Ganesh Ramalingam.

Guess how old he is?? Oh no...he is gonna kill me for telling people this....

He was gifted two flaming lamboghini and he prove to me that indian liver is really fantastic. They have high alcohol tolerance threshold!!

Amazingly he was still as sober after the two!!!

And I couldn't believe that I was willing to let him drove me home....Haha....I believe that he was perfectly alright.......*risk*

That Matt kept on observing girls' complexions, suggesting us to have botox injection, predicting where would our possible wrinkles be, proud to say that he is paid to see women~

I know I know, he's indulged in his plastic surgery.....

Karaoke

2008-05-20T22:16:00.006+08:00

Met my dear Eileen and her sister Yvonne on Sunday morning.

Haha...full of programmes for the weekend.

We were going to have our K-song session in MALAYSIA~!!!!

Just because it's cheap and worth your every token!

While waiting for a vacant room, we filled our stomach to get ready for the upcoming energy consuming "shouting and yelling" in the karaoke room...

The HK restaurant serves their beverages in huge bottles with various sizes. We're stunned when the drinks were served.

Take a look at those "Big gulp"~

Sorry that we couldn't pose properly ya...Hahaha...

Idiot

2008-05-16T22:30:00.002+08:00

Doctors are right and nurses always wrong.

What the hell of this theory..?

The theory of that Idiot Stephen Chang!

*I don't give a damn of naming him on my blog*

*shrug*

So what?

I'm not going to be nice to him. Someone who treats nurses like shit.

Asshole.

Love

2008-05-14T21:32:00.003+08:00

Been trying to keep myself occupied by travelling back and fro Jb and Sg, way to distract myself from wildful thinking.

Somehow, it works.

However, emotions stroke me again since last night.

I guess there should be NO more TV drama series for me in future. It's making me sick, sick in the mind.

《变奏曲》, in which describes how faithful are the two main male characters towards women they love. Even though she doesn't love him, turned him down repeatedly.

In real, do we have such an undoubted love and loyalty exist?

How many of you would continue to shower your love when you're rejected? How many times you think of giving up?

I'm looking for that.

But, it merely happen.

It seldom happen.

It appears only in drama.

Italian food

2008-05-13T22:30:00.004+08:00

Proud to say that I actually came back to JB after I knocked off at 5pm this evening!

The best is tomorrow I'm starting work at 8am~

Haha...wonder woman who travels around.

Merely because I couldn't stand loneliness anymore~!!!!

Sick of going out, shopping and spending non-stop. I've become a 宅女 who stays home most of the amble time, including my off day and public holiday.

I guess I can label myself as 超级宅女!

Oh well, this is what happened after I went back to JB

HUGE puff in front of me!

Oh, it's not a curry puff, instead it's stuffed with mushroom and cheese~!

I had Italian dinner with my family for my mom's belated mother's day celebration.

I embarrassed myself by shouting out loud accidentally when the GIANT puff was served.

Haha...interesting ya..?

Whoever wants to explore this puff, please let me know.

Gay anaesthetist.

2008-05-11T16:20:00.004+08:00

Oncalled once again with my gang, Leeleng, XiauXuang. Someone was the exception.

Actually, our call wasn't that bad. At least we had only a P1 case and surgeon was Dr Yuan.

What irritated us was the S1.

Who looks handsome, sounds gentle, talks courteously. BUT absolutely like a gay~!

You know the whole night, he was rushing as if he's chasing a bullet train, keep on sending sending and sending.

Recovery was flooded, with no vacant bays for post operated patient at the time of 9pm! But all this was not included in his consideration.

Imagine almost all afternoon staff including sister stayed up near to 1030pm.

Half past twelve midnight, I was doing change of EVD with one of the SSN.

The moment after the scrub trolley pushed out, way before scrub personnels did their draping, the stupid S1 requested to do something.

"Can you ask recovery to send for our next ortho case?" He looked at me when I was busy settling the scrub nurse.

"Sorry, I'll need to do it later. I need to settle my scrub team first. Since you have your assistant here, why don't you help me to send for the next case?" In fact, I was furious but still I spoke with manners.

Guess what he answered?

"Oh, I can't do that either. I cannot leave my baby alone, I need to monitor patient." He replied with a frown.

"Then I think you gotta wait for me to settle them first." I told him firmly.

"Ok" he replied and turned around to his anaesthetic nurse:" Can you help me to send for the next case?"

Excuse me, what the fuck was he thinking..?????

He expected us to finish case early, yet keep on distracting us!

Do you know that for that whole night, he had asked me to call whoever he wanted for up to 5 times~!!!!!!!! All were not emergency!!! He just wanted to do it faster.

What the hell. That damn gay.

He even asked me to call surgeon twice after 2 mins of the previous call.

Just because they didn't show up after 2 mins.

Crazy.

Single

2008-05-01T21:54:00.002+08:00

Seriously, and finally, my plan has set.

I'm gonna buy a cute Pink Picanto by the end of June, move back to JB by August.

Still wondering whether to get a red plated or normal plated car.

To be honest, nothing beats staying home with family.

I've been away from home for 3-4 years, I shoulder everything alone outside the shelter, I digest every obstacles and lessons. It makes me feeling sad to stay alone especially when I back to single and decided to remain single for a period of time.

It's hard to maintain my single status. I learn to be completely independent.

爱

2008-04-28T11:09:00.000+08:00

爱的最高境界，就是一声叹息。

Finally

2008-04-26T23:39:00.004+08:00

Ever since I was a baby girl I had a dream

Cinderella theme

Crazy as it seems

Always knew that deep inside that there would come a day

When I would have to way

Make so many mistakes

I couldn't comprehend

As I watched it unfold

This classic story told

I left it in the cold

Walking through an open door that led me back to you

Each one unlocking more of the truth

I finally stopped tripping on my youth

I finally got lost inside of you

I finally know that I needed to grow

And finally my maze has been solved

[chorus]

Finally

Now my destiny can begin

Though it will have a different set

Something strange and new is happening

Finally

Now my life doesn't seem so bad

Its the best that I've ever had

Give my love to him finally

I remember the beggining you already knew

I acted like a fool

Just trying to be cool

Fronting like it didn't matterI just ran away

On another face

Was lost in my own space

Found what its like to hurt selfishly

Scared to give of me

Afraid to just believe

I was in a jealous, insecure, pathetic place

Stumbled through the nets that I have made

Finally got out of my own way

I've Finally started living for today

I finally know that I needed to grow

And finally know that

[chorus]

Finally

Now my destiny can begin

Though we will have a different set

Something strange and new is happening

Finally

Now my life doesn't seem so bad

Its the best that I've ever had

Give my love to him Finally

Finally, Finally Finally

Now my destiny can begin

Though it will have a different set

Something beautiful is happening, happening

FinallyNow my life doesn't seem so bad

It's the best I've ever had

Give my love to him finally

Ohhhhhhh, Finally, Finally, finally

Batam trip

2008-04-26T23:07:00.002+08:00

I guess all of you are getting bored by my wordy blog posts.

Therefore I wanted to upload some photos to liven up for refreshment.

Too bad, your friend, me is too lazy for that.

As I just back from our one day Batam trip.

Haha...bought quite a number of items but pity that you won't be able to see them through my blog.

*bleah*

So, my total damage as below:

One knitted mini top for Rp 5,9000 = SGD 8.80
Two Polo Ralph Lauren Tee for Rp 672,000 = SGD100
Pedicure with blink blink for Rp 95,000 = SGD 13.50
Handphone accessories three for Rp 12,000 = SGD 1.80
Minoshe bra set for Rp 96,000 = SGD 14

WAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I know that sounds a lots, in fact I bought the most.

Hai, my poor wallet bleed again....

OTNC

2008-04-24T23:19:00.002+08:00

Sister asked me to go for Advanced dip this morning.

I was stunned by her suggestion and behaved stoned when she approached me.

Because I thought I won't be the one who is invited for the course.

However, it has it's cons too.

Which I'm seriously worrying, killing lots of my brain cells.

Once again, I lost my direction.

2008-04-22T21:04:00.002+08:00

Recently my frequency of getting oncall is getting higher.

Upcoming weeks will be even more packed.

Poor me, aging process is rapidly catalysed.

Oh no...

Pray hard for me.

Short Haired Me

2008-04-19T22:44:00.002+08:00

Went to Mirror Talk just now.

Had my hair trimmed by my favourite stylist, Vince.

No worries. I've reached my shortest hairstyle. Anything beyonds that is a BIG no no.

Short hair is easier to get messy, after it grows for approximately 2 months.

Get it tidied.

I'm loving my short hair.

Maybe, it's better to have it that way?

Sick

2008-04-18T22:58:00.000+08:00

Falling sick....

To Dive

2008-04-17T16:13:00.000+08:00

I WANT TO LEARN DIVING~!

Them

2008-04-15T22:44:00.003+08:00

Had fun just now at WalaWala.

I learnt a Black Magic~ Ya..? yes BLACK magic.

Gotta show my trick tomorrow to my colleagues~

Wahaha...*evil laugh*

It's nice meeting them again, too bad my camera went low batt.

Pretty sad that their posting is ending.

I'm so used to them nowadays.

Their characters, their style, their attitude, their tempers.

Who will be the next batch coming in..? I'm wondering.

I'm so sad.

Laparatomy Queen

2008-04-13T22:13:00.002+08:00

Concussed from 1030am to 8pm after I hit on my pillow and rested on my bed.

Feeling tired still after waken up. Looks like my 8 hours of sleep doesn't help much.

No choice, full of P1 laparatomy cases.

I think we've done at least 4-5 laparatomy? 3 out of them are Relook of laparatomy.

Ha...I'm now a laparatomy queen already.

Oncall

2008-04-12T22:45:00.003+08:00

Oncall now.

Awaiting my laparatomy patient to arrive.

Was so pissed with someone just now, someone who always thinks SGH nurses are so great and efficient.

Yes, if you miss them, go SGH. Why did you join AH??

Can't even wait for 2 mins.

What the...

Thinking of him

2008-04-11T01:14:00.003+08:00

Was on my way to Kranji from Braddel.

Old and dusty memories flashed back while the train passedby AngMoKio, a place where holds a lots of my precious memories.

It was a place we started our first date, had our first strolling at Bishan Park, ate our first cheapest Japanese meal in a restaurant, he took bus from Hougang and came all the way to look for me, where we took our bus to ECP and spent one whole night chit-chatting.

That induced me thinking of him again. Memories with him kept flashing through.

Devil's Bar, where we first held our hands together, had closed down. Just like our relationship, it's all over. Full stop for all.

I know, if there's a chance for us to be together again, I will not hesitate and go with him.

However, still, the idea of not wanting to marry him remains.

I used to love him, more than he loved me.

That's y I'm fearful of getting married with him.

Suddenly, I miss him so much.

I would like to hear from him, but I know it's ultimately impossible. He wouldn't want to see me again, someone who broke his heart into pieces.

Now then I realized, I couldn't get over him even after my two relationships ended.

King, I miss you so much. More than I ever know.

But I would never regret of leaving you........

这种感觉，叫遗憾。

Tough

2008-04-08T20:09:00.001+08:00

Other than tiring, it's still tiring.

What a tough day I've been through.

Tough case, tough surgeon and tough seniors around me.

My god.

However, I made it through...

重新

2008-04-05T20:28:00.002+08:00

小姐我,已经收拾好心情,重新出发.
不知道是不是已经爱得习惯了,伤心也变得不那么的伤.
看开了吗?
我自己也不晓得。
我只知道这次不能强求。

.

2008-04-01T21:55:00.000+08:00

It ended before it gets started.

Friend

2008-03-31T23:16:00.004+08:00

Met up with Ivan for dinner just now, also he had to pass me a few letters of mine.

We chatted a lots.....personal matter, future, plans......etc....

In another way, I do feel more comfortable meeting up with him nowadays.

Probably because both of us had got no more feelings towards each other, and now we're good friends in which we could freely chat heart to heart.

I have never known that ex-boyfriend could be my good friend after the failure of relationship.

Now, I know indeed it's workable and in fact, you know each other well....and that provides a robust foundation for the friendship.

Because you know each other well, you trust.

Think, how many true friends you have whom worth your 100% trust and reliability?

Kind of emotional when we mentioned our relationship matter.

He was asking me to go for him, make my feeling known.

As, the worst possibility is he gets married and forever he will not be mine;

Or, I stand at least a minimal chance if I let him know my feeling.

True, he's always optimistic while I'm the pessimists.

After listening to his rationales, I found it logical and reasonable.

I treasure the status we are in now, that we're a pair of good friends.

Seriously, I hope our friendship would last even after the beginning of our next relationship.

P/S: Ivan, you better won't see my this post!!!

Maybe

2008-03-30T11:27:00.002+08:00

What's the feeling of being a third party..?

What's the feeling of being hurt by third party..?

Mixtures of feelings gushed over me, in which I'm sinking away....

I wouldn't want to be a third party knowing that they're getting married.

I determine to control my heart, I will never ever allow my heart to be wild-behaved.

However.......it seems......

They're not yet married, furthermore he seldom mentioned his gf in front of his frenz...

There's something fishy........

Maybe I stand a chance..?

Maybe I should not, since I plan to leave....

Maybe....maybe...

To My Gentlemen readers

2008-03-28T23:33:00.002+08:00

THE VALUE OF A WOMAN beautifully said....

Woman came out from a mans' rib,

Not from his feet to be walked on;

Not from his head to be superior over.

But from his side to be equal;

Under the arm to be protected;

And next to the heart to be loved.

谁是我对的人？

2008-03-26T22:07:00.008+08:00

你问在我心中是否还苦恼

那次受伤否决了爱的好

谢谢你的关照我一切都好

一个人不算困扰

爱虽然很美妙却不能为了寂寞又陷了泥沼

爱要耐心等待仔细寻找感觉很重要

宁可空白了手等候一次真心的拥抱

我相信在(这个)世界上一定会遇到

对的人出现(在眼角)

那次流过的泪让我学习到

如何祝福如何转身不要

在眼泪体会到与自己拥抱

爱不是一种需要是一种对照

爱虽然很美妙却不能为了寂寞又陷了泥沼

爱要耐心等待仔细寻找感觉很重要

宁可空白了手等候一次真心的拥抱

我相信在(这个)世界上一定会遇到

对的人出现(在眼角)

能愿意为了一份爱付出去多少

然后得到多少并不计较

当我想清楚的时候我就算已经准备好

放手去爱海阔天高

喔... 耶...

爱要耐心等待仔细寻找感觉很重要

宁可空白了手等候一次真心的拥抱

我相信在(这个)世界上一定会遇到

对的人出现(在眼角)

爱要耐心等待仔细寻找感觉很重要

宁可空白了手等候一次真心的拥抱

我相信在(这个)世界上一定会遇到对的人出现(在眼角)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

这歌词把我此刻的心情说透。

我是真的很寂寞，但那种寂寞不是我再忙，朋友再多所可以稀释掉的。

这种寂寞是需要被爱的。

偏偏，我很矛盾；

想着被爱，却不怎么愿意再爱；

渴望被宠，但又厌倦去付出。

是不是因为我曾经狠狠地爱过，

爱到我把我这一生的爱用尽？

还是因为当时全心全意去爱可是到最后两个人还是分开？

我真的不晓得，我变得完全不了解自己。

眼前的我，是个我最熟悉的陌生人。

Lost

2008-03-25T22:23:00.003+08:00

A busy afternoon shift.

So sorry that I didnt do much routine for today and thus left all to Lourdes. I didn't mean it, but I was really too tight up with circulating cases, relieving morning staff, helping out in EOT.

Today my whole task was all about Plastic cases. Took over in OR3 and a local flap was in progress. While I was circulating, I needed to prepare for the OBIT in the later case. Finally got out of plastic theatre at 2pm.

I thought I could have some ambel time to get ready tomorrow cases, however fact proved me wrong.

EOT s.o.s me to prepare another ORIF facial for prof and that patient has been sent for. So I guessed I had at least 30 minutes to go?

Well, WRONG. Patient came in 10 minutes later, everyone was rushing. Furthermore patient was bleeding perfusely and WeiChen had to arrest the bleeding fast!

While I was circulating my scrub nurse in the preparation room pre-operatively, Shima came in :" Eh..I need Valerie in OR3, where's your circulator?" she asked Ann.

So I know, circulators were nowhere to be found in the OR itself. Haha...Left with no chioce, Shima got Boey to OR3.

Without everyone noticed, the clocked stroke 445pm which is our time for dinner. Me and Boey nearly missed our dinner time......

Just nice the circulator came back, and :" Sorry Valerie, I was at EOT7 helping out. There is a trauma case ongoing."

Gosh.

The best thing is, all sisters were having a serious close-door meeting at that moments. Hence, no extra runners available.

Today seems like everyone is working 8am-5pm....

Never mind, it's all over.

I just received my acceptance letter from La Trobe University. 30 April is my dateline to summit the acceptance form as well as the tuition fee for the first semester.

What should I do now What should I do now..?

I'm lost.

Single Life

2008-03-25T00:05:00.004+08:00

Therapy: Single Life

Therapeutic Effects: Tons of freedom, no heartbreaking events, enjoy being a night owl, no explanation needed when going out with opposite gender.

Adverse Effects: Sense of loneliness, noone shares your ups and downs.

Indications: If you always think that there's someone better than yours.

Contraindications: If you love flirting around, if you couldn't resist for more, if you need a companion in whatever you do.

不敢

2008-03-23T15:37:00.005+08:00

曾经我爱得很深，爱到我忘了被爱是什么滋味。

最初的那一段，是为了一个不值得的人；
下一段，是因为害怕距离，害怕时间，结果我伤害了一个好男人；
再来一段，是对的时间遇上对的人，但我爱到我变成了他的，我不属于我；
最后这段，我已经麻木，早忘了怎么去爱。

我不想再爱，但又渴望被爱。
忽然，我又想回到从前。

但是，我不敢。
我已经不敢再爱。
也厌倦了伤害别人。

New Pet

2008-03-21T15:22:00.006+08:00

My brother just came back from Macau and this is what he brought for us....

CJ7

This small little cutie has a very unique power....

BEFORE

This is it's natural, primitive look before the transformation.

AFTER

After shaking vigorously, it becomes CJ7 with fur standing upright. Cute??

COMPARISON

On Leave

2008-03-20T16:43:00.002+08:00

Okay dear all...sorry for the lack of updates....

Not sure if I'm lucky or just unfortunate....my JB broadband network was down since the day I started my leave.....hai....called them up upteen times to get my network repaired but their efficiency is negative. Ya, right now I'm using internet in my brother's office......

Too much to share yet I wasn't given opportunity. Hai...

Well, I sprained my ankle~!!! Went back to meet Carol and Jonathan for lunch at NUS science canteen when I injured my ankle. Weird, I think something blurred my eyes that I didn't even notice there was a small step......And u know, I crippled all the way from NUH back to JB............. that's so terrible....

But not to worry, it's recovering well now... after two days.

Met up my junior friends for clubbing session in JB. I would say clubbing in Singapore has so much more fun than in JB. There's no dance floor for the clubbers...

Never mind, my dear friends will be coming over to Singapore on the 5th of April.....for sure we'll be going to club~!! Love to be with them...as they know me well.......being together with me for 11 years........They're my true friends.........Friends that I know they would think for my benefits....

Oh ya...I really like to upload my pictures....but my camera was left in Singapore....oh oh oh....

ENOUGH

2008-03-12T21:57:00.006+08:00

Cardio discipline ran a workshop which required an advance TV system, so it ended up we swapped theatres. Cardio used OR8,9 (GS theatre) wherearea GS used OR12,13 (Cardio).

Therefore I purposely reached theatre earlier to set everything up in OR12,13 knowing that we would definitely be running like mad to take instruments from OR8,9 all the way to where we were located. The first thing I did was, got a long trolley with 2 trays on top, filled them up with our common laparoscopic instruments and items needed for our 3 listed cases.

While I was settling some errands in the preparation room, an Advance dip student popped in. Without greeting anyone, she walked straight towards where our OT list was, analyzing what cases and things that were needed. As if she was one of our staffs.

Then I noticed we need to turn our OT table to enable II to be fitted in intra-operatively. Being unfamiliar of the table, I spent a few second to check if turning of table was needed. So when my attendant double confirmed if need to turn table, the Advance dip student said out loudly:" No need. IOC no need II!"

WHAT THE ASS~!

Asshole lor......

Without looking at OT table, without knowing our standard practice, without paying respect to the staff, without being humble, without thinking twice~!

I didn't want to argue, went off theatre.

So, I told my partner who were in the central corridor what happened just now. She then went in and had a check, Advance dip student has gone!

Of course I recognized her. She was formerly our Anaesthetic senior staff nurse.

Ya....SO???

When she's completely WRONG.

Hai....how come how come how come....??

Some people LOVES to show off what they know...or rather LOVES to pretend they know everything~ Not only the advance dip student, but also my S_st_r! Of course just one. The particular one whom all of us annoy of.

Thinking that she's perfect in doing thing, thinking that she's the youngest s_st_r, thinking that she's right all the time!!

She was proven wrong for at least 3 times. I ever emailed her the correct information I've got through Internet!

Don't act if you know everything please. Not sure, tell me you're not sure about it; No idea, frankly tell me you didn't encounter it. Don't act! Your acting magnifies your ignorance and you gain nothing from that. Most of all, you lose your respect from all of us.

Really buay tahan, and all of us were discussing over this issue in the central corridor, she's really pissed us off...

Haha.....enough of venting, i guess. I just need some channel of ventilation to empty my frustration and anger. After venting, it's over....=)

Outing with women

2008-03-10T23:01:00.002+08:00

Post call after an amazingly fantastic call......I still slept for approximately 4 hours when I reached back home. I didn't catch a good night sleep in the call room as incredible snoring sound was very disturbing. All thanks to 'somebody', I felt like giving her a kick when her bed was just next to mine~! WTF.....

Met up with my women...after my refreshing haircut... Ha.. Thank for the women they actually commented that I got a monkey head now, and forcefully banned me from getting a yellow clothes....True la..with my haircolor and yellow, I know I will look stunning. Haha....No way man...

Gifted Belinda her favourite Hello Kitty wooden tissue box and weighing scale as her birthday presents. I guess her Kitty collection is getting crazier. Well, glad that she likes it.......and of course the $80 Taka voucher ne....

Rest assured, we took photos......as usual....in the TOILET~!!!

However lousy blogger photos uploading system is too slow...view my photos via my facebook ba..

Weird

2008-03-09T17:07:00.003+08:00

Something unusual that I took a nap of one and a half hour. Well, nothing weird about the nap taken but the location.

Do you know where I napped?

Major Operating Theatre~~!! SssSSSSsssHHHHH....................

Keep quiet okay...I napped while I'm still oncalling. Hahaha...perhaps now I have the fortunate to laugh out loud. It's too quiet to be true.

Can't believe it. I just pray that tonight will be as peaceful....

Wow

2008-03-08T20:05:00.005+08:00

Went in to JB this early morning together with Carol and her family, also to attend my first election voting.

Her brother came all the way from Sg to have his wedding portfolio shooting. You think it's so troublesome huh?? No no....they made a wise decision---cheaper, better quality, better service.

Despite of all that, they enjoy JB good food each time they come in. Wah....Sg food is really nothing as compared to JB's.

Calm down guys.....COOL YOURSELF DOWN....Don't rub your eyes, I'm VALERIE...

I know I know, you want to comment that I'm daring...or rather I'm just too reckless to chop off my hair without thinking twice...Please forgive me.....but but but I kind of like this new hairstyle~!!!

I think it was about 10 years ago since I last had this tom boy kind of style....hahaha....drastic changes from my previous one ya...?? Yeah I know....I know it's not feminine at all~ but I don't care.....Tom boy tom boy lor..... If a guy were to fall in love for me sincerely, they wouldn't care about my hair.....right?

Election

2008-03-07T20:49:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow will be my first time experience involving in the grand election of my country.

I'm getting tachycardic......rather excited about the election as it proves that I'm already really an adult, which I have to be accountable for all the decision that I've made.

Hmm...hopefully it's going to be my desired outcome.

Will be going over to Carol's house to stay overnight, as tomorrow we gotta set off at 8am and head toward to JB for their portfolio shooting.

Nah...I'm not going to stay at JB after that, oncall on Sunday which I need to rest properly.

So guys..seeya...very lethargic now....

Terrible Supervisor

2008-03-06T22:11:00.003+08:00

Sometime I find that our assignment tasked by sister is just an excuse for them not to do thing properly and completely.

Scenario 1:
Sister A assigned you to be in-charge of OR files content. You did frequent checking of the files and you realized somebody has been taken or added something from it. And so you lost track of the files and couldn't find who's the culprit. Thereafter you realized Sister B has been touching the files and even assign somebody to file in something.

One day Sister A approached and asked:" I thought I've assigned you to take care of the files? How come the file in OR x doesn't have those in OR y's?"

And your reply was:" Sister I totally lost control on the files content! I did check on the files"

Sister A said:" Ya, i know Sister B did do something for the files, but you also have to keep checking."

Scenario 2
Sister A assigned you to in-charge of OR charge forms, to top-up regularly, to organize tidily together with your other 2 colleagues. You did very frequent top-up and always your colleagues saw you photocopying charge forms while the rest of your colleagues did nothing. Sister B took away one of the old charge form and replace 2 pieces of new version in only. Apparently, you didn't know anything about.

1st, 2nd, 3th of March you were off and came to work only on 4th of march. Sister A was blaming you that you didn't do your job properly and there's no charge form in the respective drawer and she left after that. You remember clearly that on the last day that you work before this week, you top up fully. When you went to take a look, you realized that the charge form was changed and it's written:" Revised on March 2008"!

Somebody has touched my arrangement and yet nobody inform us!!!!!!! Are you sisters trying to sabotage us???????

What is your reaction towards all this nonsense?!

I was like WTF!

Better don't assign anything for me. If you want to, please keep me informed if you're to amend anything! If you think you're sister and you've the authority to change anything, please don't task the job to anyone! If you think we're supposed to check on thing to keep ourselves updated, then you better do everything on your own!

Also, SISTERS, please communicate among yourselves!!! Keep your staff updated if you were to implement anything!! If you think it's unnecessary for you to inform us, jolly well you don't blame us not communicating among ourselves! Because you as sister, DID NOT CARRY ANY ROLE MODEL IMAGE!!

Stop using your sister power to pressurize us! I'm still giving you sisters another chance. Anything more than that, I'll just be honest to you and tell you what's in my mind. I don't care if you criticize me for being rude or hooligan, I'm just stating the truth. IF you're able to provide me any valid reasons or explanation, I will accept it. Vice versa, I hope you sisters listen to the feedbacks given by staff. Don't ever think that all your staff are inexperience, not able to do thing efficiently and properly, OR think that YOU KNOW EVERYTHING!

Sister, doesn't mean you authorize everything! Without your staff, you're nothing.

Working With Sisters

2008-03-05T21:16:00.002+08:00

Somehow I dislike the presence of sisters around in the theatre.

I believe most of my fellow colleagues feel the same way but might be of different reasons.

There's various reasons which lead to the above mentioned:
1)Scared of getting caught red-handed if there's any breach of SOP.
2)Think that sisters are to find fault on them.
3)Not able to slack or no slow movement is allowed when they're around.
4)Must show 100% of courtesy and respect even if you're in the most irritated state.
5)They've forgotten that respect is through earning.

To me, there's something else.
1)Depend on sisters' mood. If they're in mood of pink, I'll stay safe; If they're annoyed, I will always have ANY reasons to deserve a scolding or reprimands.
2)No change of any rules is allowed, not even slight adjustment.
3)No other opinion is accepted other than which is in their mind.
4)I function well when I'm alone but with their presence, I think I'm stupid.
5)Sometime the questions they asked, it's hinting that I'm expected to know.
6)Hate the feeling when other colleagues face any sister, they'll treat sisters like queens:" sister sorry, okay sister, yes sister. thanks sister..."

Hai.. in conclusion, it's tough to work with sisters sometime.

*Sometimes only, of course very much depends on the mood and situation.

Bad News

2008-03-05T19:45:00.003+08:00

HMDP was called off. As confirmed by Sister Shirin and Dr Charles. None of us, yes including surgeons, none of us is going for the HMDP! Apparently, it was not granted for the fund.

NUH is stingy la...that's my only comment.

But well, surprisingly, I felt calm after hearing the news. Probably a lil' of disappointment exists but on the other hand, no extra bond will be imposed on me~

Waiting is the only thing I can do now...

A day

2008-03-04T22:45:00.003+08:00

Phew, it had been a fulfilling day to me!

Stephen's case made me learnt up something new~! For a case with CBD exploration, 3 different endoscopes were used! What challenged me neither was gastroscope nor choledoscope, it was the fragile ureteroscope!! In which the basic set-up is of slight different from others and today was my virgin try on fixing up the scope, luckily I had WangFang with me whom very much familiar with it.

Anyway, there's lots of surprises but none of them brought up serious problem. So me and Lavan are safe.......

Well, stayed up for Charles Tsang case for his HAL anterior resection, although it didn't last that late. I completely cleaned up all my instruments by 6pm! Fortunately, I still managed to rush down to TRUE for my yoga and dance classes.

Enjoyed myself in both the Gentle Yoga and Sexy Belly dance. After the highly stressful and fast-pacing day in theatre, Gentle Yoga is just so an absolute channel of relaxation!

Right after the yoga, Sexy Belly dance was the next. I tell you, the dancing instructor was so damn sexy lar~! *Jealous jealous* When can I have a body like hers????

The answer is:" Try the sexy belly dance more often?" Haha....

Announcement

2008-03-03T12:24:00.002+08:00

Special Announcement:

Valerie is going to privacy limit her blog in a week time. For those sincere readers, kindly PM her your email address to mingpei_teng@hotmail.com for the convenience of your access to her secret in future. Thanks.

Busy Days

2008-03-01T15:15:00.003+08:00

This few days were kind of occupied!

Firstly Hepatectomy on Wednesday which extended till 8pm, this is already quite tiring....I didn't have any reasons for not being home earlier.

Thursday is a relaxing day in theatre....assigned to breast theatre. So not used to scrub breast cases anymore, it's really hypnotic! After which met up with old gang Jon, Ganesh and Matthew at usual hangout place-Wala Wala. It seems like Mr.Ganesh's favourite that almost each time Wala is our destination! What to do? He's the driver so........follow lor.....ha

Training leave on friday for endoscopy training. Attended with Brother Albert and indeed I learnt tons from the session! Haha...Scared of scopes no more!! Head to Conraq Hotel at City Hall after that to accompany Carol for the Australia Property Exhibition. They planned to invest on a property in Australia after they've gone back to Australia. NEXT. Clark Quey with Roy, Jesse, BangYu, KerJia. What a pity some couldn't make it for the night. The poor BangYu was being teased for the whole night, because Roy introduced him as "SheBangYou"!! hahahaha.......

After dropping by clinic c with them for awhile, I hopped to M.O.S to meet my girls.....and St.James later on. Haha...yes, you can say I'm crazy!! no no no...we're crazy.....Stayed until 4am, after the BIG breakfast in Mac, we decided to head home already...Too tired.....

9-hour Hepatectomy

2008-02-27T22:47:00.004+08:00

Not a single word can describe what I'm feeling now.... after standing continuously for 9 hours.

How come?

Hepatectomy lor....... surgery.......what else??

Me and LeeLeng were the only two in the theatre, fortunately there was only 2 cases. Merely 2 cases but the latter one is a major case which was mentioned above.

So, for sure I was appointed to scrub for that.....because I'm not able to run this major case yet especially with today's surgical team! A team which couldn't wait for more than 3 seconds!!

Well, mixture of feeling rushed into my mind: satisfied, agitated, bored, helpless, stressed.

No matter how, I managed to survive at the end of the surgery. For your info, the patient's relative is a doctor from Korea! Wow...don't know why Stephen always has Korean lobang... Ha...

Ok la...my eyelids are too heavy to open bright.. see you again!

OH MY GOD

2008-02-17T11:53:00.005+08:00

Reluctantly yet inevitably, I keep thinking that maybe I'm a jinx!

Yes, a jinx...true GS jinx....

There were few reasons contributed to my conclusion above...

Yesterday when Kim was on call with me and before she left for home due to severe gastric pain, everything went on smoothly and quietly. I thought it's time for me to have a pretty good call though.

Too bad, I was wrong.

FOUR OGD in a roll.

*Oesaphagus duodenoscopy

TWO P1 Laparatomy.

*Rush-in priority 1 open abdomen surgery

TWO Appendicextomy.

*Removal of appendix

ONE Right Hemicolectomy.

*Resection of ascending colon

ONE Plastic ORIF KIV Bone Grafting.

*Open reduction internal fixation of bone

ONE Saucerization.

*Excavation of abscess

ONE I&D.

*Incision and drainage

For the convenience of my friends who are in non-medical field...

Pamelia was puzzled :" Hey Val, you're the record breaker issit??"

"Huh..? NOT ME!! It's Dr Eric Wee who's the scope jinx!" I clarified according to the scope nurse.

During the OGD, practically I'm like a all-rounder. The one and only theatre staff in the theatre.

From monitoring of patient, running the case, administered of Midazolam, collecting blood from blood bank, commencing blood transfusion FFP............etc

Correct, it seemed alright for a staff nurse who is stationed in ward, but it's definitely not for a theatre nurse!!!

Luckily I was offered a helping hand by my anaesthetic nurse. If not, I would be doomed.

Enough said. Dead tired now, I'm depriving from sleep.

Color Talk

2008-02-12T22:37:00.001+08:00

I don't fancy on PINK, instead RED is my favourite. I am always be very proud that I love RED and almost everything, if any, I would go for RED.

However, obviously RED isn't as popular as PINK. As PINK is universal lady's color and all the manufecturers, producers or publishers would focus their packaging in PINK!

Therefore, please take a look below.

*This multimedia gadget called Vision: M. It was a Valentine's gift from my previous bf. Till now, it is still looking great as I had it wrapped with Gmask when I first got my hands on it! Limited edition made this even more precious....The doggie pouch beside is my Vision:M's outfit, it goes well with the gadget, isn't it??

*Here is my lovely handphone, Motorola V9 which is maroon in color. Furthermore, the external touch screen is my all time favourite as I can listen to songs, viewing my messages and photos without flipping over the phone! It's supposed to have a latest bluetooth earpiece as a freebie, however it went out of stock. So instead, I bark the salesperson to give me something else and this was the one~ Lovely pink...

*My newfound love-- everyday outing's campanion. I love this bag!! It is perfectly sized and can put all my must-have stuff in (eg: umbrella, wallet, handphone, make-up pouch, tissue, keys, vision:m...etc) Lots of rubbish to add in. It's from Aldo, bought it during year end sales. Initially I though it couldn't be easily matched, but soon I was addicted and whatever I wear I'll make sure it goes well with the bag!! Ha..

*My latest collection---Casio EX-Z75!! I would say love at first sight! Can you guess how much it's??!! guess...............................................$249!! Wahahah.....the price is so so so reasonable that I bought it on the spot! Hey, cheap camera DOES provide good quality of photos okay!

*Even my bed............this is my new year bedsheets!! Pink bedsheets printed with red apples~! Fabulous combination!!! Heehee......I could dream on RED color even during sleeping! Ha

Now, even my blogskin......PINK!!!!! What's wrong with me?? but well, RED is still my love. Coincidencely, I got all pink.....

Enough of all. Time to lay myself on the pinky plus reddy bedsheet. Good night.

2008-02-08T20:32:00.000+08:00

It's Chinese New Year again~

Guess everyone is celebrating the greatest chinese festival with their love ones. There would be no exception that I, am busy with house hopping around these two days. While waiting for the arrivals of my gambling partners to the mini "casino", quickly I do the blogging for my two days event celebrating~!!! Yes, gamble~!!! Haha...

NEW YEAR EVE:

It has been our family tradition that each year, we would be heading up to Pontian to have our reunion dinner and family gathering. Eve is our only chance to meet up with our parental relatives and it has always be our annual greatest gathering. Few years back, fire had engulfed our yearly reunion venue-- the wooden house which used to roof my grandparents. Therefore, this year we had our reunion dinner at JB.

DAY 1

Instead of driving up to Pontian on the eve of new year, we did that on the first day of new year. As my maternal aunt stays at Pontian too! So, I had my FIRST long journey driving experience after I got my licence for 5 YEARS~!!!!!! Well, thank god we reached there safe and sound. Haha.... After some chit-chatting and lunch, gambling was what we were looking for each year. It gave us a reason to gamble! Haha...

CNY

2008-02-02T11:35:00.000+08:00

We're hitting CNY real soon~ Lalala...and it gives us (well, at least for me..) a valid reason to top up my wardrobe and shoes rack. After my last trip to Thailand, my wardrobe seems to be shrunk in size...Ya...womenpower!

As CNY is around the corner, it forces us to have our nest cleaned as well! I did spring cleaning of my room yesterday until my backbone could not take it anymore and my allergic nose keep on sneezing through (way too dusty in my room). But well, that's okay. Hardwork gets ANGPOWs in return!! Woohoo~

Kinda busy recently. Not because of work though, but meeting friends and colleagues and running errands. Ya, that's what happens when you're staying alone. From getting out of bed, settling your meals, washing clothes, cleaning of room, even when you're sick, everything is on your own!

So friends, it's a blessing to have parents sharing a rooftop with you...Treasure it. Okay?

Eileen's Blog

2008-01-30T23:25:00.001+08:00

Eileen finally has her own blog~!!!! that's how in trend she is after everyone is hitting on blogging!

Haha...glad that I can browse her daily updates through the net as we barely meet up each other.....you know, she has her lovely James and sister to occupy her...I know, this blog was set up because James is leaving for studies and this could link them up when they're separated. It's glad to know that their loves still going strong, I'm happy for her~ Sincerely hope that they would be able to overcome the distance, 3 years isn't short.

Journey From A Nurse To Doctor?

2008-01-28T00:48:00.000+08:00

The more I work in the surgical field, the more I prefer to be a doctor.

High social status and repayment are not the root causes leading me to have the thought of studying M.B.B.S. I love biology especially pathophysiology, I love to study human organs and functions. Perhaps that is one of the reasons why I'm so much in love with my present job.

When I was still in high school, medicine had been one of my dreams. However, financial problem hindered my path and it's almost impossible for a foreigner to take up medicine in NUS.

Therefore I joined nursing, with the hope of getting a sponsorship from any hospital.

Ever since I practiced as a registered nurse, the desire to be a doctor seems to grow stronger day by day. The thought of studying medicine after my 3-year bond with NUH is getting stronger and stronger.

During the outing, ShiongWen told me I can enrol in medicine without me worrying about the tuition fee. In another word, banks do provide studying loans for medicine students!

So my most worried has settled, the next thing is the age.

By the time I finish my 3-year bond with NUH, I will be at the age of 25 when it is supposed to be the age of medicine graduants! Upon the completion of medicine, I will be stepping into thirties and I'm behind 5 years.........5 years.........one can be a registrar already within 5 years.......

I'm in the greatest dilemma of my life......thinking of my future, clearing my thought......

Party Night

2008-01-26T22:19:00.000+08:00

My annual leaves is ending soon~ *Sobsob*

Happy hours usually flies faster....just like last night.

Yesterday was the best day of my AL. Went to Merchant Court and had a sumptuous and luxurious buffet with HPB team. We had a fantastic dinner~ Apparently after my change of hairstyle, some of the surgeons couldn't recognize me without the scrub cap! Until they had a closer look on me.....then they realized I'm Valerie!!!!

Hahaha....

Oh ya, I haven't posted my latest photo ya....wait and see.....be patient...

Thereafter I met Jon, Ganesh, Carol for drinks.....They were there for drinks while I was there for accompany......Because I don't drink! Chatting and enjoying friends company would be my top activities....

We headed M.O.S meeting the rest.......Oh...we had a great night, drinking and dancing all night through.....At that moment, we're no longer doctors and nurses.....WE ARE CLUBBERS!!!!

Really enjoyed ourselves and it was already close to 4am when we left the happening....

Korean

2008-01-23T11:47:00.000+08:00

Aspired by my HMDP, I decided to start learning Korean from now.

Like what my brother mentioned, " You've a year to master Korean, why not start learning now..?"

I nodded, completely agreed. Although I dislike Korea Language, I still will give my very best.

However, I've zero basic in Korean.......Aiyo, they should send me to Japan.....at least I know the basic!

Nonetheless, I want to learn Korean~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saying is easier than doing. Now, I need to actualize my action!!!!

Online searching for study material in progress....

22/2/2008

2008-01-22T17:16:00.000+08:00

22/2/2008 will be my good friend's solemnisation~

That's so fast...hmm..around one more month..?? oh my god..

Too fast to be true......

anyway, congrats to both of them~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

really happy to know that...

=)

Upset + Disappointment

2008-01-17T12:25:00.001+08:00

From the day I first started joining NUH OT, Tuesday was my most heartbreaking day.
Not only I'm hearbroken, disappointment invaded my heart as well....
I wonder why am I working so hard when they tend to overlook my sacrifice and concentrate on my flaws.
This is what happened yesterday morning....

~PART I
I was told by someone that da jie was very upset that I didn't stay up for the hepatectomy at 6pm and hence she had to stay for my absence of scrubbing! Hello, madam xxxx I only took about 20 mins toilet cum lunch break in between since 11am to 6pm! If really I took my full lunch break and filled up my tummy very well, I don't mind to stay throughout. So now you expected me to skip my dinner and stayed up all the way to 9pm..? I tell you, NO WAY~!
Correct, that my another da jie said when they were still new, they would stay throughout the operation so that they would know what happened for the whole surgery. Excuse me, I'd tried my super best not to have a break during lunchtime. If only my bladder has unlimited capacity, I'm UNWILLING to let LeeLeng takeover me for 20 mins~!!!!!!! Don't tell me you can tolerate while your bladder is full~! Crap!
So my effort of not trying to go for lunch all down to drain, and my not staying to finish the case being magnified so much~

~PART II
I was supposed to be on morning shift 8am-6pm yesterday, therefore as usual I reached OT at 730am.
I happily enter OR8 as there's a liver transplant ongoing there, hopefully I got to scrub the liver benchwork! So when I started to help circulating, Brother came in asked me if I could do on-call duty today when today is the beginning of my Annual Leave. After what I heard about them commenting that I didn't stay for the previous hepatectomy, I accepted their sudden change of assignment. Partially is because Brother is the one who approached me, and he has been so nice to me so I did him a favourite.
I can tell you frankly, if Brother wasn't the one who approached me, I couldn't see any reason for me to do on-call duty yesterday!! I'm doing it for Brother only.....
Also, I want both of you to feel GUILTY that you perceived me that way~!!!!!!!
All bullshit.

You tell me, why should I work that hard..??
One more time, just one more time.....I will explode.

First Hepatectomy

2008-01-15T21:03:00.000+08:00

Wah Wah Wah Wah Wah~!!!!!

A superb day for me~!

Scrubbed up for hepatectomy~

Yippee~ Finally you know...after 2 months of waiting. Each time I wanted to scrub for hepatectomy, it's either no ICU bed available or patient unfit for operation. There was one time I was fully prepared and the laparoscopic hepatectomy was in progress for about 30 mins only before the surgeon decided not to proceed. Also, I'd encountered a case whereby the four lobes of liver were all affected and there would have no chance of survival if the patient undergone the resection, so they did a bypass instead. In summary, I've not done a full hepatectomy before today.

Therefore, today is a GREAT achievement!!!!

Although my assisting wasn't fantastic as I was forced to stand quite far away from the sterile field, but I'm still feeling satisfied despite the sacrifice of lunch and toilet break. Haha....

Hmmm

2008-01-13T18:26:00.001+08:00

My friend is getting married.....

She's same age as me, and her fiance only 2 years older...

When I looked at the wedding band... I felt really happy for them...

At the same time, feeling down and lonely..

Not that I'm in a hurry to get married, but i just have so much thoughts flooding in...

For so many years, I've been searching....for the man I would spend the rest of my life...

Once, I met him.....

but we were not fated.....it's hard for me to explain....

I thought I would be his wife..and seriously we planned to exchange our rings half a year after I graduated from NYP..

It was all in past tense.......

Now, I'm still looking for that someone...

but I'm not in a rush..I know I still have the time..

hee...

GS call

2008-01-13T11:26:00.001+08:00

Just reach home after my call. It wasn't a good call though.

Not that I still have high level of stamina, but i just so eager to blog.....suddenly have the mood to write something.....

Okay. I can tell you luckily there were two GS girls on call yesterday, if not I couldn't imagine how bad was the situation going to be!

Right after we took over from previous shift in charge, immediately they sent in a plastic case -- Split skin graft. So as usual la....we are always being kiasu in preparing plastic case and die die would have two circulators to run the case. Luckily Sister Shirin was on yesterday, so she helped to prepare the case while I was preparing for ANOTHER GS case -- Laparoscopis I&D liver.

Well, because the liver abscess was quite bad....hell loads of pus was drained out....

Just when I finished my case and going to clean my instruments, I heard there was another laparotomy -- Anterior Resection....Gosh...non stop GS cases floading in....

However, me being a colorectal girl, didn't offer much help. Not that I didn't want to, but I'd no time! As I unscrubbed for the liver case, it was already 2pm and I was dying for my delicious lunch!! I could see only my lunch box waving at me.......

So Ruby helped to run the case.....

Do you think that's the end..?

NO WAY~!!!!!!!

Another plastic case occupied the theatre with the ORIF mandible. Luckily Prof had a good mood, singing in the theatre...hahaha......

Concurrently, another Urology case was in progress.....and as you guys know, urology is highly specialised, they have lots of funny looking scopes and forceps which non urology girls would not normally know. They were having a hard time to search high and low for the required instruments! But no choice lor....you can't expect too much during on calls......!

I&D abscess and appendicextomy were in queue while we were busy hunting for urology instruments......

By the time we managed to take a deep breath from GS cases, it was almost 9pm I guess..?

So GS stopped, and Ortho began!!!!

Full of ortho cases throughout the night......

LUCKILY, we had two ortho nurses, too!

Alright people, I'm going to hibernate.....See ya...and "good night" to me... =)

Afternoon Shift

2008-01-09T22:58:00.000+08:00

On afternoon shift today. Did nothing much except helping colleagues running for their cases for the whole afternoon. It was 6pm only when I scrubbed for case.

Again, it was an ortho case, awound debridement. It may sound simple....just wound debridement only ma.........

I thought it should not be complicated, too. The wound was initially 10 cm in length and shallow in cavity when we unwrapped the crepe bandage. Practically, the wound was covered by yellowish pus, no sign of reddish flesh at all!

So, the case started. Surgeon debrided the wound and keep on extending the surgical site as they explored the condition. They almost reached the posterior site of the knee cap. In short, they're almost digging up the whole knee cap.

I think this is the most disgusting wound I ever seen.

But no worries, I can still take my meal happily even though I may be chatting with my frenz about this incidence....

That's the power of nurses!

Again

2008-01-08T21:01:00.000+08:00

Hai..being reprimanded by sister again.

AGAIN~!!!!!! REGARDING SPECIMEN AGAIN~!!!!!!

What the f**k!

I am so trying my very best to prevent myself from erring, yet it somehow still happens.

This time, is formalin leaked out from the specimen bottle.

Although I know I'm not the only one, but still I'm very upset.

I do all the checkings, be extra cautious, take more time to check specimens.

Furious!

Feel like killing myself.......it's like somebody has spelled a cast on me.

Sweet gift from sweet girls..

2008-01-07T23:59:00.001+08:00

Hmmm...

I guess I should be asleep at this hour, but I still stay up...
I guess I should not be waiting blindly for something that doesn't belong to me, but I insist...
I guess I should be thinking too much, but I am obviously overloading myself...

HOW COME?!

Hai...I couldn't understand....BUT, what to do...??

Anyway, I just met my wonderful women in Jurong Point!

The aim for this meeting is for our belated X'mas gifts exchange~~~~~~~!

And guess what..?? Thousand thanks for my absent-minded character that I've forgotten to bring their gifts along with me!!

*shaking my head*

They gave me something sweet which I really really love at the first sight.

It's a Hello Kitty Jewels BOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't describe how cute and feminine it is.....

*Sorry guys, too lazy to upload the photo now..*

THANKS belinda and eileen for giving me such a sweet present...

Upset

2008-01-05T19:15:00.001+08:00

Upset. But I couldn't tell you why.

I would rather keep it within me... it's a shame to share.

Yes, I realizes....how stupid am I....

Ortho Day in EOT

2008-01-03T23:07:00.000+08:00

Feeling satisfied today~!

As I managed to enrich my knowledge to be posted to EOT (emergency operating theatre). Of course this isn't my first time in EOT, in fact I've been assigned to EOT several times. However, today is the most fruitful one.

I learnt lots of Ortho (Orthopaedics) skills~! Wahaha....I was like a part-time ortho staff that I've been scrubbing and circulating for ortho cases for the whole day~! Yes, EOT was occupied by ALL the ortho cases, from abscess, to IM tibia, until DHS......hahaha....very happening in EOT.

Fortunately, Sister Joann offered me plenty of opportunities to scrub for those new cases and I guess she would need to replenish herself with loads of water, because she's really using up all her saliva to teach me.

So, the first case is Intramedullary Nailing (IM nailing) of tibia. Oh gosh, that is so so so DIFFERENCE from the Open reduction internal fixation (ORIF) that I've known upside down. Thanked god, I've got an excellent surgeon Dr. Bryan Tan who guided me throughout.

In fact, he asked me:" hey, Valerie, why not you quit GS (general surgery) and join ortho instead?"

I was like:" why lae..? you wanna see me is it..? then you do more calls and you will be able to see me scrubbing for your case lo..."

Then he replied:" Ey ye...how come you so thick skin one..? GS a lots of handsome surgeons is it?"

I said:" No la, you're more handsome la..."

Hahahaha...we laughed.

As time passed by, suddenly he asked about the time and he felt that it's too fast the surgery progressed. Great~!

So sister Joann was saying:" Of course la...you've got a good scrub nurse lo...right..?"

Dr. Bryan hesistated:" erm...she's good...only thing is a bit thick-skinned. That's all."

We burst into laughters again.

Second time I scrubbed for him, the Dynamic hip screw (DHS).

He asked:" eh, how come you're so good in DHS har..? you know what I want the next!"

So I told him:" hmmm...I did DHS before, but not the IM nailing. That's why.."

He continued to coax me:" eh, come ortho la..."

"Talk to my Sister in-charge lor...I cannot decide on my assignment."

I'm so sorry about that. But I would be pleased to assist Dr Bryan in any ortho cases when I'm on call or posted to EOT.

He's a great registrar! Of course, his medical officer, Dr. Hey too.!

I'm willing to take up the challenge to adventure ortho surgeries~!

My Year 2008 Plan

2007-12-28T22:54:00.000+08:00

Drawing near to year 2008~!!!!!!!!!

A brand new year ahead. Of course hopefully it would be a better year for me.

As we're stepping into a new journey, I've set up my targets.

First and foremost, I want to take up a yoga course or involve myself back into dancing again~ Coincidentally, my colleague Jonie invited me to join her yoga lesson when we're having chitchat in the pantry. Without further hesitation, I nodded to agree! Haha....I was still worrying about where to learn! After knowing the details, I found out that they offer dancing class as well. Oh my godness! That suits me perfectly then.

And so, we will be meeting up tomorrow morning for my first yoga experience! Excited~

Secondly, I'm going to pursue my degree next year. Perhaps University of Sunderland would be my choice, otherwise I would sign up for La Trobe..? Have no second chioce yet, but definitely a degree is a must thing to achieve in my year 2008!

Third, attend my HMDP oversea training~! Although it would be in the end of 2008, but again, I hope everything goes on smoothly and follow the plan. I would try me super best to perform as outstanding as I can at the same time be extra vigilant in thing that I do.

All the best to me, Yeah~!

Please Kill Me

2007-12-27T22:07:00.000+08:00

My brain is suffocating, it's dying for a breathe.

I need a channel to vent out my frustration, my anger and my stress! They're overloading my tiny brain and intruding me!!!!!

I NEED A BREAK~! from everything.....

Be it in relationship, in career, in future, I'm totally lost.....

I hurt someone just because I don't understand myself. He's treating me the best among all, I swear noone could treat me better than he does yet I don't cherish our relationship. I tarnish his love for me.

Ya, you can scold me or say I'm stupid.

In fact, I'm foolish. Someone please knock on my head or just struggle me to death, please please~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm really really really sorry..................

I lost one artery forcep this morning while I was scrubbed up for a wound debridement and exploration of left thigh. Only two artery forceps were taken out of my instrument tray when I was preparing for the case.

I did count my instrument pre-operatively and of course final count, too. However, after the application of Vac dressing, weird thing happened. It happened when I was clearing instruments then I found out one artery forcep was no where to be found~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thus, we searched the whole theatre, tumbled all the rubbish bins, linens, slouise room, biohazard bag..........Still, no sign of it!!!

So, in order to play safe ( knowingly an artery forcep could never be able to fit into patient's thigh), X-ray was conducted by surgeon. Guess..? WE COULDN'T FIND IT ALSO~!!!!!!!!

Oh god, please kill me!!!!! All of us was exhausted after working 24 hours continuously, it got worst to search for the stupid artery forcep.

Left with no chioce, e-Hor was raised.

Fuck.

I'm trying my very best to do everything correctly yet thing still happens. My record of losing instrument would affect my performance and worse still I couldn't rest my brain in peace.

I'm worried.

I'm considering of taking up a bachelor of science of University of Sunderland in Singapore. It's actually a Bachelor (hons) of science with part-time 2 years course.

The big issue is my financial problem- $17,000 for the whole course. I know it doesn't sound much for some people, but for the poor like me, it's problem. Especially I have to pay for everything while I'm repaying a NYP loan with bank too.

Although it provides educational loan, still, it hinders me from proceeding.

Anyway, tomorrow I'll be visiting their falculty. All the best to me.

*extra information to my friends who is planning for degree courses:
University of Sunderland is based in UK, collaborate with Harriet Group in Singapore Course fee: $17,000. Full-time for 1 year, part-time for 2 years. Two sessions available in a day. Accredicted by SNB and MOE. Most importantly, it's a honours bachelor of nursing while Griffith, La Throbe, Sydney and Curtin only offer ordinary degree.

Somebody kills me please.

Great Day

2007-12-23T23:09:00.000+08:00

I had a great yesterday.

Just imagine, I was occupied until I didn't have time to blog.

As I got back home only near to 4am!

Let's start from 2pm, I met my colleagues PekLian, Kim and XiauXuang for our early X'mas celebration~

It was kind of rush as we're only settled down at about 345pm, and PekLian had to attend another gathering at 5pm!

However we had a great time at a Korean Restaurant in FarEast, other than eating, of course cam whoring as well~!!

Wahaha...when four women together.... But too bad, those photos weren't taken by my cell phone. If you're waiting for our photos, then you should continue waiting....haha....

After which, I started for my X'mas gifts hunting at the Orchard with XiauXuang. Yes, only two of us, because PekLian needed to meet her friends and Kim needed to rush back to take care of her mom. What a pity....

By the time I got home, it was already 9pm. I went home with loads of goodies....and I got no free hand to unlock my door~!

So, after a long day, I showered and removed my make-up, wanted to rest in peace....

Who knew, my woman Belinda rang up, asking me to go clubbing!

Oh my god, I'd just removed my make-up!

Eileen was saying:" Come on woman, you can do it....put on make-up again!"

Hai, wanting to meet them too much, I guai guai dressed up and meet up with them at Ministry of Sound.

Instead of clubbing, I guessed we're chatting throughout the night.

No chioce, it has been a long long time since three of us gathered. We gotta update each other with our ups an downs~

NO TITLE

2007-12-21T23:51:00.000+08:00

Wah...long time didn't blog....because I am addicted in something.

FACEBOOK~!

To be exact, I'm addicted to the Texas Holdem Poker la.........It's a very addictive until my siblings are all crazy about this game. You should try it.

Well, Christmas is just around the corner and I've yet to complete my shopping list!!!!!!! NOT ENOUGH TIME FOR SHOPPING!

I haven't even wrapped up those gifts that I've purchased and tomorrow I gotta meet up my dear colleagues for gifts exchange. Tell me how..?

What to do? Wrap it tomorrow morning then.....haha....

Facebook

2007-12-15T00:15:00.000+08:00

Haha....I just joined The Facebook 2 days ago....

Must thanks to PekLian that she showed me what exactly we can do with facebook and I got to learn how to have fun with it.

A bit slow ho me.....Haha...

People, if you're in facebook, please add me at Valerie Teng.

Seeya on facebook...

HMDP

2007-12-13T20:36:00.000+08:00

Something exciting!

That I was told by Sister with the presence of our Head of Colorectal Professor that I was selected for HMDP oversea training.

WOW~

The moment I heard of that, I couldn't refrain myself but to hug my Sister and burst out with joyous!

Can you imagine. Being a novice and I got the opportunity of being attached oversea for some training and upgrading, of course I am damn lucky.

Although the trip is only last for about 3-4 weeks, still I appreciate the chance given to me.

I can't wait to go for it now. Too bad, it needs about a year to get everything prepared and arranged.

So.....please hold on, Valerie.

Haha....

Next, Christmas is around the corner. Ya, just a corner ahead. Ha.

I'm waiting for my BONUS to accomplish my shopping mission--get the gifts ready!

Another burns in my wallet, however, it's once in a year.

I guess they're worthwhile, for my friends and relatives.

Don't you think so??

NO TITLE

2007-12-09T09:12:00.000+08:00

Christmas is around the corner....

How am I going to spend my Year 2008 Christmas..? No idea.

I think it's going to be quieter than usual.

So in order to creat the Christmas atmosphere for myself....................................

Wahahaha....cute ma cute ma?? I'm too friendly and approachable until I'm irresistable....Santa clause crawled onto my toes..........*Evil Laughss*

My colleagues saw my new pedicure, asking me to bring them over to JB too~! Come Come Come.........You couldn't find such a skillful pedicurist with a reasonable price!

Then, yesterday I went shopping at Orchard. Initially wanted to pop by Gucci as they are having their year end sales. But then the designs offered are those "mature" type, none of them caught my eyes. When I walked pass Coach, WOW.....very long queue there~!

Of course being a Coach fans, I queued!!!! Haha...There were hell loads of people inside, Coach was almost flooded with women!!

After my thorough search on their items, finally I'd found a wallet~! Hooray~!!!

It doesn't look nice on the photo though.......*sob* BUT it looks fantastic with me~!!! WAHAHAHA....

After the shopping, I went back to JB....had a dinner with my mom and sister.

My sister showed me something which is so damn cute.....

It's Beijing Oplympic Souvenier~! Super cute arh....Each and every one of them has a name too!

Haha....I wouldn't want to use them lor....too cute to be used. We decided to keep it rather than utilise it......

WHAT THE HELL~!

2007-12-01T18:09:00.000+08:00

ANGRY~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FURIOUS~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who do you think you are to fly me such an aeroplane??!!??!!

YOU'RE AN IDIOT~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yucky Feeling

2007-11-26T20:06:00.000+08:00

Sometime I hope that I could have a longer working hours.

Yes, that's right. I'm still sober and nothing drives me nut.

I just hate the feeling of being alone everytime when I reach back my room.

All I have is my laptop, to keep me accompany.

It's so hard to meet up with my fellow friends when weekdays are working days.

However it's even harder for me to be with Darling, as he is too tied down by his course.

Seriously, I feel like I'm single and available while actually it's not a truth.

The same feeling strikes me, same as a year ago.

After the circle, I'm still the same.

But what can I do?

There is nothing I can do, I suppose.

I just pray hard that something could chase away the feeling.

It's invading me, deep down to my heart again.

Lovely Day

2007-11-21T20:17:00.000+08:00

What a great day I have today!

With fun, friendly, and approachable medical officer and registrar~ Well, not for the consultant.

Everyone has gone crazy including the main and second anaesthetists, surgeons, attendant and scrub nurses.

Haha...theatre was like a market~!

I like this kind of atmosphere, where everybody works happily and diligently.

How nice it will be if everyday is going to be like that....

Nursing

2007-11-20T18:58:00.000+08:00

I'd never thought of nursing is a stressful career.

At most I would feel disappointed on how irrespectful the public is towards nurses.

Hello, we're helping you guys out there! We shower more concerns on you than those doctors do okay? Why is it the majority of Singapore nation paying different attitudes towards doctors and nurses?!

The most heartbreaking fact is that, our income and social prestige are so much lower than them!

#@*#@@^&.....

It's definitely not a worthwhile job.

Well, let's talk about theatre life of mine.

IT IS A STRESSFUL JOB!

IT IS A DANGEROUS JOB!

IT IS A HIGH-ALERT AREA TO WORK WITH!

Anytime would be involved in a lawsuit.

Today one of my colleagues had lost a forcep. My new colleague.

Oh gosh! The first thought that stroke us is :" Don't tell me it was left in patient's body!"

That happened when my colleague was cleaning her instruments after the operation, and after I've sent patient to Post Anaesthesia Care Unit.

Hence, X-ray was conducted immediately after the incident.

Fortunately, no foreign body was detected from the X-ray film.

Scary enough??

Of course~! And that is only a peanut among all!!

I learnt a lots for the days I spend in OT.

I've to be very sure of myself, stay alert at all time, be firm on my stand, be strong to keep myself going, to keep everything right.

I have to do every single little thing correctly to avoid any mistakes and accuses.

In such working environment, you can be easily accused!

What to do? Who asks me so devoted in OT?

I'm A Coolie Of Myself

2007-11-18T15:43:00.000+08:00

Don't feel good recently.
Nothing goes wrong, nothing fantasizes me.

I just don't feel good.
My life goes on smoothly, peacefully, quietly.

The same routines repeats,
Absolute boredom strikes me.

Set off to work early mornings, have dinner, reach home, shower, surf net, sleep.
Cycle goes round and round.

Dare not to pamper myself anymore,
Dare not to enjoy shopping anymore,
Dare not to relax myself anymore.

I have to save up for future.

Suddenly I become a coolie of myself.
Ever after my commencement of work.

A coolie of myself.

Aren't we the coolie of ourselves??

We work, we work hard.
We save, we struggle to save.

But, we've forgotten to enjoy our life.
Who knows, maybe tomorrow is our last day of living?

Or worst still, we get no tomorrow.

Nobody knows.

When everybody plans for their future,
I'm staying up and ponder.

Does everyone have a tomorrow??

So, why we're working hard, striving to save?

We should enjoy.

Being A New Staff

2007-11-13T11:53:00.000+08:00

I've been a registered nurse for nearly 4 months. Time flies past without me knowing it.

Working in NUH OT for quite sometime and that has widen up my preception of people, all sorts of people around me.

I came to realize all these as time goes by:

1) Being new, there are eyes around you. Be it in the cctv, across a wall, from other people, eyes are focusing on you. You may not realize it but they're floating around you.

2) No matter how frustrated you are, how busy you are, how stressful you are, DO NOT raise your tone of voice. People may find your attitude crude and not humble without assessing the ongoing situation.

3) If it's your fault, people nag at you. If it's not your fault, people will still be nagging. You better be humble and accept the comments. Or else, people view you as self-defensive, not willing to learn. DO NOT EXPLAIN YOURSELF.

4) If you skip your tea time just to offer a helping hand, people may complaint that you break the inofficial rule. Although the "tea-time" is a PRIVILEDGE not an entitlement.

5) Seniors expect you to pay them respect. Well, we should respect them of course but some of them have forgotten about RESPECT is through EARNING. When the senior is not doing her/his job, or basically the senior is capable only in front of CERTAIN people, she/he will still want the respect.

6) If you know certain procedure or knowledge, you better keep it yourself. As people might find you over-confident if you were to share the information with your peers. If your peers happen to ask you something, just dump all the questions to the senior with you.

7) If you know you are capable in doing something, KEEP YOUR WINGS. If you overshow your wings, people view it as over-confident.

8) DO NOT discuss any surgery-related issue with the surgeon in front of certain senior, if not you will be labelled as irrespectful towards senior.

9) If you're a fast worker, people think that you're very stressful and anxious. If you're working slow, people complaint.

10) If you're still under probation, die die you better be HUMBLE, SOFT-SPOKEN, SUBMISSIVE in ALL time no matter how people bully you.

** Above sayings are applicable only to the minority. I do have capable, competent, willing-to-teach attitude, friendly seniors with me, and i truefully appreciate their willingness to share and the patient guidance that they've showered me.

A Tuesday

2007-10-30T20:28:00.000+08:00

Yeah~! Now I can online even if I'm in my room~!!

Neither I use Starhub MaxOnline as I got no cable in my room, nor Singtel Broadband as it's way beyond my budget.

Make a guess..??

It's M1 Vodafone Mobile Connection Lite (VMC)!

If you're considering a wireless, setup-free, affordable broadband plan, VMC is definitely your choice~

It costs me only $26.75 for a sim-card, a commitment of 6 months, monthly subscription fee of $22.42 !

It comes with a very handy modem and 3 USB cables. After I got home, I just plucked in the modem with a USB adapter. An auto-installation will take place once you connect the modem to a laptop. Thereafter, I had my broadband connection already~!

I must say nowadays technologies can do wonder with all the incredible advancement.

Well, enough of happiness.

Darling had gone for his course for two days.

Oh, did I mention that Darling is attending a course lasted for 3 months? He has to stay in on weekdays and we could only meet each other on weekends.....

Today is just the second day yet I'm missing him so much... Life without him is simply too dull for me. I need him to color up my monotonous life....

Glad that he is enjoying his course....or else it would be wasteful for us sacrificing our times....

Anyway, it's essential for Darling to go for this course as this would be one of the promotion criteria.

Alright, time for me to pen-down.

See you guys again.

Nitez

JB Trip

2007-10-27T23:04:00.000+08:00

Went back to JB last night after work. Custom was terribly congested as usual which forced me to align from bus 170, heading to Woodlands checkpoint by walking from Woodlands Garden.

So my legs inevitably feeling sore and burning sensation is really unbearable. It rang a bell that I should get myself a pair of comfortable shoes which could protect my precious legs.

And so, after my dinner with mom and sister, I started my shoes-hunting shopping at City Square. To my disappointment, none caught my eyes. It seemed like shoes which provide comfort and protection don't look fancy and trendy at all.

Therefore, I dropped the idea of getting shoes in JB.

What you guys think of my pedicure?? I got it done this afternoon~!

Haha....it costs RM62 plus the multiple colors drawing arts and blink blink only~!!!!! LOL...

This afternoon me and my sister met up with my mom at Holiday Plaza just for the manicure and pedicure session~! Poor Darling waited for 2 hours just to fetch me back to Singapore.....What a darling Darling ya..?? heehee...

Wonderful Birthday Celebration II

2007-10-20T21:45:00.000+08:00

~17th October 2007~

I had been hesitating whether to apply one day leave on my actual birthday. However, I dropped the idea as I didn't want my sister to have the impression of mine keep on having annual leave during my probation period.

And so, I worked!

I woke up 10 mins earlier than usual just to doll up myself by applying some make-up to work. Of course, I did look more vibrant and prettier than my usual "naked skin". Yes, everyone noticed the differences....Hahaha...I just wanted to pamper myself on my BIG day ma......

There was a roll call in the morning before we started our scheduled list. It was about our OT department has started to lauch a fun-adding program from this October. From this month onwards, the department will celebrate each and everyone birthdays monthly. And it started from October babies~ We were given a roll of rochers as a gift~

Afterwhich, we carried out our routines, working very hard. While I was scrubbing up, one of my good friends asked me to stay back in our pantry after work.

They were going to celebrate my birthday after work~!!!! TOUCHED~~~~~~~~

They bought me a deliciously baked chocolate cake and celebrated together with Sister Shirin. It was so fun~ Such a memorable birthday celebration.

Million thanks to Kim, PekLian, XiauXiang, BeeChu, Sister Shirin.

I'm really blessed to have known all of you.....

Wonderful Birthday Celebration

2007-10-18T22:18:00.000+08:00

Well...Yesterday was my 22nd birthday~!

Happy Belated Birthday To Me...

Haha...As I was to tired after work and that's why updating of blog was totally out of my mind!

~16th October 2007, Tuesday~

After my exhausting on-call duty on Monday, I flew back to my room and grabbed a good rest after I knocked off from work at 10pm. It was already 4pm when I opened my eyes. The first thing I did after my rest was to have a check of my mobile. GOSH! 4 missed call and 4 msg from Darling......

Actually he promised to fetch me back to JB at 4pm but due to miscommunication, I thought it should be 5pm....and I couldn't be waken up by his phone calls. He was so upset and angry as he had been waiting for 1 and half hours!

But then, he knew that he shouldn't blame me because I was supposed to recharge myself after on-call. So....he was a bit disappointed only, didn't really mad about this incidence.

So we continued our plan, started our journey back to JB. 50 metres before we entered custom gate, I couldn't find his passport in the drawer of his car!!!! OH MY GOD!!! He had forgotten that the passport was actually in his room and so he didn't bring it along.......

Out of no way, I went back alone, celebrated with my family.

Did you notice there's two cakes and two persons were making birthday wishes?

Yeah~ Our birthday fall on the same day and we are both left-handers~! What a coincidence! He is my brother childhood friend.......I celebrated together with him last year too.... =)

Arh~! i'M too tired to continue........

~TO BE CONTINUED~

To My Dearest Darling

2007-10-13T23:47:00.000+08:00

To my dearest Darling,

Ever since 9/6/07 till now, you didn't fail to make me smile with your nonsensical actions and incredible imagination.

I know it's you, it's all because of you that my previous relationship failed. Failure leads me to the direction of your love.

I love, when you buy supplement for me,
And so you bottle out supplement pills for me every morning, knowing that I'm too lazy to have them.

I love, when you ask me to have some lotion to moisture my cracked skin of my hands,
And so you remind me every now and then knowing that I would forget to do so.

I love, when you allow me to sleep for hours,
And so you sit beside me watching over me quietly while I am sleeping snoringly.

I love, when you know I'm too exhausted after work,
And so you fetch me from work no matter how tired you are or how rush would that be.

I love, when you know it's so hard for me to wake up,
And so you spend 15 mins to pat me up gently and patiently.

I love, when you know I'm lazy to dry my hair after a shower at night,
And so you towel dry my hair before I sleep.

I love, when you know I'm someone who needs lots of love,
And so you shower me with tender loving care.

I love, when you say I'm a baby of yours, when you say I'm your pampered princess.

It's so great to have you, showering me tons of love, making me the luckiest woman on earth.

Darling, I love you.

Lesson Learnt

2007-10-07T10:08:00.001+08:00

Okay.

Another week passed.

I learnt something which was too costy to pay.

I have been longing to perform well, to be outshinning in the Major OT. However, the lesson failed me hard. All my gone-through hardships and efforts made were down to the drain. I erred.

Just because of my stupid slip of mind.

Doctors err. However nurses are those who bear the ultimate responsibility, we are the one to blame.

If you check, nothing will happen.

If you follow up, nothing will happen.

Checking is our nurses duty. What about doctors??

Just because they uphold the prestige and image??

Just because they are earning much and have the great authorities??

When a doctor and a nurse commit a mistake, who will receive the punishment??

NURSE!!!!!!!!

True. I failed. Failed to check. I should be punished. I tarnished my hardwork.

BUT, did anyone blame on the doctor who erred as well??

NOBODY!

Virgin On-call Coming Soon

2007-09-30T11:57:00.000+08:00

Hmmm...Has started my shift lately.

Done 2 afternoon shifts and a on-call coming soon on tomorrow.

I'm fearful for the first time, as I'm not yet ready for the challenging on-call experience. In which I can hardly grab my rest from 10am till 10am next day, and I'm required to scrub for cases which I've never come across. 24H working will be my nightmare.

However, I feel sorry for my preceptor. As she needs to be with me ALL the time for my virgin on-call duty....

Okay. I shall sleep more today to conserve my energy.

Third Day in EOT

2007-09-25T22:22:00.000+08:00

Another day in Emergency operating theatre (EOT).

My third day in EOT was fulfilling. I got to scrub cases which I've never observed and assisted before.

As usual, I stepped into my assigned EOT 15 minutes before 8am. Before I entered the operating room (OR), my colleague asked me to scrub up right then to take over the previous scrub nurse who has fainted in the midst of on-call operation.

So, it was like a rush-in situation that you have to scrub up with stunning speed or else the poor surgeon had to be alone!

And I didn't even know what was the case, didn't even have a glance on the consent form. It was only during my scrubbing, my colleague showed me the consent form.

Haha....It was my second take over case, but my first Hand and Reconstruction Microsurgery (HRM). Interesting..??

When it comes to washing the instruments, you will have a blow in your brain! When a few sets of unfamiliar instruments mixed up together, lying in a mess on my pathetic trolley, oh my god. It was like World War 3 lor......

Later on, another Neurology case. Haha......I'm glad that I grabbed the opportunity to scrub up for the case - Repair of CSF leak.

BUT, another headache.

Neuro case uses Burr Hole set which is huge and heavy. It comprises of 24 artery, 18 towel clips, 3 suction ends.......so on and on...................

Do you know that in a normal General Surgery set the most artery they have is 12, towel clips 12 with 1 suction end only.

When I had the bunch of instruments in hand, WOW, I was "surprised" by the number of instruments a Burr Hole set has.

Initially I was still quite calm, but then I turned panic. Oh no...

Luckily the surgeon is very hilarious and his action cooled down my nerves, subsided my adrenaline level.

Hahaha....

After which, another Cardiology case.

It was a thorocotomy which means incision into the chest wall.

It took nearly an hour for patient to be anesthetized as the affected lung has to be deflated and patient will survive through the operation using merely one lung.

I thought I was fortunate enough to know the operating professor. He is currently employed in private sector and only came back to NUH today.

Together with him, there was an experience staff nurse, she was once working in OT,NUH.

According to my seniors, she is very very good. That's why professor poached her to be in private sector along with him.

Isn't that impressive??

How I wish I could be someone like her who is so capable and competent.

As professor dedicated her to be his personal scrub nurse. The best is, this professor used to scold and yelled at everyone when your action is slower by only 1 second.

So, you can imagine how good is his personal scrub nurse?

Well, I know I have to take thing step by step. I would have to learn as much as possible at this upon of time, gain more experience, and of course a lots of hardship in order to be someone like her.

Let's work hard!

Relaxing Day

2007-09-22T20:51:00.000+08:00

Hmmm...seldom has time to blog nowadays.

Tired everyday, lethargic every now and then. Oh no...I'm getting weaker....

Well, it's a SATURDAY~!

Today Darling drove into JB early in the morning just to meet me at City Square. After the lunch with my sister, we headed to Holiday Plaza which is popular with their pirated discs. But apparently that's not the reason why we were there.

Initially I wanted to do a pedicure there, and Darling wanted to have a facial done. However my slashing tougue Darling manage to persuade me to do facial together with him...Haha...

As we were looking for a suitable skin care centre, a special promotion attracted us.

"Facial + Whole body massage + Hand/foot scrub = RM98"

Hahaha....Isn't it sound interesting?? Without further hesitation, we walked in.

While we were waiting for our service, I overheard that they provide eye-lash perming too~! And yes, that drew my attention, so... the next moment you found my eyes blinking bright.

Lady ma....of course loves anything which turns her prettier la~!!!!!

And so, we started our relaxing day......

It's a very joyful day with Darling, and we've promised each other that we shall have a spa experience in JB too......

Wahahaha....

Rainy Sunday

2007-09-16T10:54:00.000+08:00

I could still remember once I was told that Sunday is always a sunny day with a bright scotching sun above our heads, and I truly believe it.

But today, Sunday is a rainy day~!!

That break the legend in my heart man..........

Whatever la, doesn't matter much lo.....*shrug*

The best is, I gotta spend my Sunday alone~!!

Initially Darling was supposed to work on night duty from 830pm onwards, however a stupid phone call woke him up early this morning claiming that there was a miscommunication of the shift. So, my Darling had to wake up immediately and summoned his subordinate to rush to his base~!

This is how my precious Sunday was ruined by a miscommunication lor....

But, what can I do? Tell me what can I say??

BO BIAN....

In another point of view, I'm glad that Darling is such a responsible person and the enthusiasm he has towards his job impressed me a lots. He has been in NAVY for 10 years yet he wasn't bored by them.

That's my Darling..... *giggle*

Hopefully

2007-09-15T22:18:00.000+08:00

It has been so long since I last blogged.

Totally drained out after work daily. Adult life taste isn't sweet. Am missing student life badly.

I could still remember how I skipped lessons just to have a good sleep, how I didn't want to attend lectures with my women just for a bowl of clay pot rice in NYP canteen, how I stuff my brain with last minute study 2 days before the exam. Too bad, they are all in the past.

Time really flies when one is occupied. Don't you think so??

It's another weekend. I hope my coming weekdays would be a fruitful and sweet-tasting one.

Really hope that I can perform well, but sometimes something just beyond your control.

The better i hope myself to perform, the louzier I would do. Especially when I have super high expectation of my own, I always do something terrible.

Of course, I did receive some positive comments from staff and surgeons but my expectation doesn't stop there.

I want to achieve better!

Let's hope I can do well in OT~!