Wednesday, August 29, 2007♥8/29/2007 09:28:00 PM
Today was the toughest day I ever had in OT.
I felt so DEMORALIZED, FRUSTRATED, DISAPPOINTED and STUPID, DUMP!!!
I was reprimanded and scolded AGAIN by a particular person. Sad to say that she's my preceptor......
Up till now, I know I'm doing quite well in OT, be it circulating or scrubbing. But, whenever I'm double scrubbed with her, I would behave clumsily and nervously. As she keeps on pushing me, rushing me, reprimanding that I'm not fast enough, not good enough. What pierces me hard is, she even scolded me like nobody business in front of a nasty surgeon!!!!
She likes to demonstrate certain procedures to me without letting me get a hand on to it and expexts me like a marvellous recorder which can memorize all the steps for just one demonstration. When it's my turn to show what I know, she wants me to do it PERFECTLY!!!!
Excuse me, I'm just 3 weeks plus in OT okay.....How can you ask me to run without learning to crawl?!?!?!?!?!?!
Only with her, only with her, ONLY WITH HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fuck!
I'm not blaming her, in fact our relationship has been going well other than scrubbing. I just don't find her teaching works effectively.
I can confidently announced that I'm a fast learner and so far I'm doing pretty well. But I just couldn't understand the reasons why I'm unworthy to her.
I feel so STUPID.
When I did something correctly and timely, there's no encouragement and compliment at ALL!!! My compliments are all from surgeon and sister......Other than her....
Definitaly I can take scolding and negative comments very well. Only with that then I could know what's my weak points and to learn from that. But, hello! You have to scold reasonably!!
You want me to scrub perfectly, you should let me practice more! Rather than you ask for perfection on things which I do it for the first time only!
That's unreasonable!
That's ridiculous!
That's overbearing!
Totally engrossed,
Scribbled by Valerie, pen down at
8/29/2007 09:28:00 PM
